Tag Archives: cat

She Doesn’t Trust Me – And I Don’t Blame Her

My daughter told me last night she doesn’t trust me.  I don’t blame her even one bit.  We were talking last night about her wanting to sleep on her new futon instead of her wonderful bed and the conversation got pretty deep.  I reminded her that she can tell me anything she wants.  She hesitated then said, “Mom, I don’t trust you.  I don’t know why but I just don’t.”  She clearly was scared to death that I was going to lose it on her but instead I told her I wasn’t surprised.  Here’s my reasoning…

A year and a half ago, my marriage failed.  I knew it, my husband didn’t.  For six months, I tried to restart my flame but it was out.  Not even flickering, totally cold, OUT.  I was done but I hadn’t quit yet.  I tried taking trips with my ex, I tried having more sex, I tried everything I could think of and nothing worked.  My heart was done even if my head wasn’t.  Around the sixth month I finished my Master’s degree and I began to find other things to occupy my time.  I went out with friends, I worked longer hours, and I avoided my husband.  This whole time, my kids could see that something was wrong between us but it really wasn’t unusual for us to fight or ignore each other.  Their mom was changing into someone they didn’t recognize.

Then I met a woman who became the center of my attention with the exception of my children.  They have always come first. I often had them come to her house to hang out at birthday parties or just to hang out.  She and her family came to our house for a number of social visits.  I was changing even more because having a friend who I spent a lot of time with was a new concept in our house.  My ex had chased everyone else away and my kids got used to me not having many friends. Especially not having friends I hung out with on a regular basis outside of Girl Scouts.  Then I fell in love with this friend, and she with me (See My First Girlfriend post) and I changed even more.  I was suddenly very happy but still avoiding their dad. This was weird for them.

Then I wrecked my motorcycle and had to move in with my friend and her family.  My kids would come stay with me at their house regularly but it was weird.  I was heavily medicated, I was in a lot of pain, I had to be helped with basic things like going to the bathroom.  I was no longer their strong willed, independent mother.  I was an invalid that they loved but weren’t sure what to do with.

Then I healed my broken bones and my broken head and changed even more because I am a survivor.  I had to fight to be where I am and I’m not going to back down for anyone.  I am strong willed but in a different way.  It’s less about how awesome my job is or how much money I make and more about the inner strength I had to build to win the battle over my body.  Different things in life are important to me now.

So I told my daughter, “I’m not surprised.”  And I think her chin hit her mattress.  I went on to say, I am a different person than I used to be.  I’m changing every day.  I think differently, I act differently, I now like girls instead of boys, I am completely different with one exception – you and your brother.  The two of you have always been and will always be the most important thing to me.” She nodded and added a quiet – yup.  Then I talked about how her dad is the same guy he’s always been.  He lives in the same house, with the same attitude, he does things the same way he always has, and he probably always will.  You know what to expect from your dad, you don’t know what to expect from me.  And she looked at me like, wow I hadn’t thought of it that way.  I let her know it was perfectly acceptable for her to question whether or not to trust me since I was basically a new person to her.  And I thanked her for telling me and asked her to let me know if I ever do something that doesn’t make sense or if she has any questions for me.

I feel like a better mom today because I finally figured out what was bothering her.  We had a great day today.  She talked openly with me about her boyfriend and some other stuff that happened at school.  Today was a good day.  I’m hoping tomorrow will be just as positive and wonderful.  Happy Mom Day!

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What Was I Thinking?

I feel like an idiot today.  Last year was the year of doggie heartbreak.  We had an old lady dog who was running out of time so I went and picked up a puppy from the pound. Turns out he was a hemophiliac (a bleeder).  We spent more than two weeks trying to get his neuter site to stop bleeding before our veternarian was successful.  Three days after we got him all fixed up he jumped out of my husband’s arms and bled into his spine.  My kids went to bed with a new puppy and woke up without one.  It was horrifying for my tenderhearted son.  He would spend hours just sitting in the living room holding the puppy’s ashes and crying.  I waited a few months before purchasing a pure bred Cairn terrier puppy – I wanted to make sure that my heart was ready and that we had a dog without genetic conditions.  A few months later we lost our old lady dog and that was heartbreaking.  She was an amazing pup and she had a good run.

So now I’m divorcing the puppy dropper and I got custody of the dogs.  After all, they were all brought into the house by me. I’ve been in my new home for about a month and a half and my old man dog is starting to get tired.  He’s having vision issues too.  He is skittish and hides all day long at the top of the stairs out of reach of the now year and a half old cairn puppy.  The puppy needs someone to wear her down so I’ve been wondering if a potty trained, couple year old, third dog would be a good choice.

On Saturday, my friend was telling me about this male dog who was going to the pound if he didn’t find a home.  Shit.  My stupid bleeding heart called the owner and said bring him here, we will have a puppy play date and see how it goes.  “B” is his name and he is sweet as pie.  In fact, he’s sitting in my lap as I type because apparently he’s part cat.  He’s a chihuahua-pug-weenie dog mix and he’s quite the lover.  Unfortunately, my old man dog is not a fan and is now pissed off at me.

Oh and the worst part, my son is in love with “B”.  So if I can’t get the old man dog on board with “B”, I will have to rehome “B” and my son will be heartbroken.  Ugh.

My girlfriend laughed and said you do realize that if we ever decide to move in together we’d have five dogs and two cats between us?  Holy crap.  We’d have to dedicate a section of the house just for the dogs and cats to live in.  Maybe even get them their own King sized bed so that we can sleep at night.  I proposed building a doggie jungle gym in the bonus room of the house I’m renting which might be neat to look at but we all know that doggies love cuddles and you can’t cuddle if you’re in another room.  Ugh again.  But you know we just started dating, I’m pretty sure moving in is not in our immediate future and we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.  Gotta go take them all outside again…