22 Nights

Since the moment I met my girlfriend, I knew she was the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.  We’ve been together for almost eight months now and I haven’t had a moment of doubt.  My love has grown with each passing day and she continues to amaze me with the love she has for me.  She’s seen me at my worst and my best.  She brings me up when I’m down and down when I’m too far up.

Back in July, a series of events unfolded that allowed us to spend 22 nights in a row together.  First, her sons went on a week long vacation with their dad so she came and stayed at my home.  Two days before her sons returned, my kiddos left for a ten day trip with their father.  I employed a dog sitter and we spent the next ten nights in each other’s arms, first at her house then on a camping trip with her extended family.  After we returned from camping, her sons left for another week with their dad and my kiddos came home.  The last week was spent at my home where we got to get up and go to work together, cook and clean up dinner together, hang out and watch TV together, and so much more.

I have always been comfortable in her arms and worship the good night’s sleep I get when she is next to me.  She likes to touch me while she sleeps.  It could be holding my hand or placing her hand on my body.  She likes to spoon some nights and on other nights she’ll bury her face in my chest with her arms and legs wrapped around me tightly.  Feeling her touch or her breath on my skin sends shock waves of happiness throughout my body.  The smell of her hair and body is intoxicating. The softness and curves of her skin turn me on so quickly and deeply I become a sexually deprived adolescent in seconds at the thought of touching her.

With my divorce still pending and my children’s resistance to merging households, we have made the decision to hold off on moving in together until next summer at the earliest.  We agree that it would not be a good choice to relocate her boys in the middle of a school year.  Her boys have repeatedly asked me when I’m “going to become their other mom” or “when do they get to have two moms”.  To which I reply – someday.  I loathe the nights apart.  Living a half an hour apart means we only see each other on weekends and on rare weeknights.  We manage to talk to each other throughout the day while we’re at our desks but night is a different story.  I especially loathe the nights where we don’t get to talk as much as we would if she were here.  Between our children’s sports schedules and social events, there are plenty of nights when we barely manage to say good night.  Having spent 37 years living in a world that didn’t feel right, I don’t want to wait for anything anymore.  I want to take life by the horns and grab it not sit idly by while the winds shift so that my sails can be filled.  I want to fast forward to next summer but yet I don’t want to miss a single day with her or my kiddos.  Life is cruel and yet now that I know who I am, it is ever so amazing.

Those 22 nights were pure bliss.  We had some deep conversations, we laughed, we smiled, we relaxed, we played, we had LOTS of sex.  They ended two nights ago and I haven’t slept well since.  The first night without her, I fell asleep on the couch waking up at 2am with a stiff neck and deep regrets.  The second night, I went to bed at a reasonable hour but couldn’t fall asleep.  My bed was cold and no amount of blankets would warm it up.  Tonight I’m an insomniac.  It’s nearly 2am and although I’ve been exhausted all day, sleep is not my friend.

I miss her arms around me.  I miss her smile.  I miss her laugh.  I’m head over heels in love with her.

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