I’ve been told by some of my seasoned lesbian friends that new lesbians fall in love hard and fast. We tend to move in together too soon and we are head over heels in love within seconds of meeting. Uhaul lesbians – they are a real thing.
I met this girl back in December. She is absolutely the greatest love I have ever had. The same one I mention in https://thebreadwinninglesbian.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/its-been-awhile/. She cares about me in a way that no one really ever has before. She doesn’t let me pretend that I’m fine when I’m not. She doesn’t let me worm my way out of uncomfortable conversations with a joke. She holds me when I’m weak and leans on me when I’m strong. We still haven’t had a single argument or even a bickering session. She amazes me. Every time I look at her I think wow she is absolutely gorgeous and I don’t deserve her, I hope she doesn’t figure it out.
Oh, and in bed – holy shit. This girl is amazing in bed. She’s not my first woman but OH MY GOD. I have never wanted someone as much as I want to be with her. I crave sex. I actually dream about it now. For the first time in my life, I’m with someone I want to be with. The best part – she likes sex with me as much as I like it with her. She’s scandalously sexy in bed. She has introduced new things to me in the bedroom that just makes me squish when I think about it.
So we don’t fight, we are both widely attracted to each other, she makes me be a better person than I thought i could be. I love her, she loves me. Did we move in together? Nope. Not yet. But we’ve got it planned out! We both have two kids. Her sons are excited to add me to their family but my kids (who are still freshly injured in a vengeful divorce) are not nearly as excited about the whole adding brothers / mothers thing. I want to marry her – she knows this. But I’m waiting until I’m officially divorced and my kids accept the idea a little better before I buy her a real engagement ring. We aren’t even moving in together for at least another year although spending days at a time away from each other in our own homes is torturous at best. We want to do this right so we wait. When her boys are with their dad, she’s at my house with me and my kiddos. When my kids are at their dads, I’m at her house with her and her boys. When we on a very rare occasion have no children – we stay naked for days.
I’m in love. I am willing to wait a lifetime to call her my wife.
Side Note: Amazing how much the brain washing of conservative christianity can do to a gay person. Having been in wrong sex relationships my whole life, I hated sex. I thought of it as a bi annual chore to avoid because it just never turned me on. I spent the better part of twenty years avoiding sex. I would get dressed for work after my ex left the bedroom so that he wouldn’t see me naked. I would lock the door when I showered. I wouldn’t go to bed until he was guaranteed to be asleep. I slept in full pajamas and insisted he wear them too making up an excuse about how the kids might need us in the middle of the night. In fact, one time in my sleep he tried to poke me awake for sex and I yelled (while SOUND ASLEEP) that “you know I don’t like it when you touch me” – he was angry for days at that one. I hated / despised / loathed sex with men. Penises and the stuff that comes out of them, have always made me want to vomit. I look back now and see all the times that I should have been able to figure out what was misaligned in my life and am just dumbfounded how long it took me to realize I like women. I preferred lesbian porn, all my favorite actors were women, all my favorite musicians were women, the whole penis thing, everything about me – so much more than I want to list – screamed that I was indeed into women. I think my parents saw this and purposely steered me away from realizing who I really was. I was often ridiculed for the way I dressed or wanted to do my hair. I finally started just letting the hair dresser decide and went with it because it was easier than requesting something my mother and sisters would shame me for. I wore dresses when I had to because I was tired of being asked why I didn’t want to. I married the first man that seemed capable of putting up with me.