Thinking About My Mom Today

I’ve lost many friends and family this past year and regardless of their disregard, I am thriving in their absence. They can feel pity for me all they want because they are too ignorant and self-absorbed to see that I am happier now than I have been in a very, very long time. They are missing out on the best parts of me and I’m only just getting started.

My relationship with my family will never be the same as it was.  I don’t know that I will ever forgive my sisters for what they did to try and destroy me.  But my mom is another story.  She clearly loves me but she doesn’t know how to love me right now. She is scared for me and I think she’s a little scared of me.  I am perfectly happy in my own skin for the first time in my life. I love who I am.  I’m happy and no one is going to make me go back to the life I once hated.  I am not afraid to be openly gay. The people in my life will either accept me for who I am or they won’t.  If they don’t like me, they can live their lives without me in it.  I’ve spent half my life trying to figure out what was missing and I’ve finally figured it out.  There’s no going back from inner peace.

I want to call her and tell her everything but in the long ago past when I’ve tried, she is clearly uncomfortable and I get to hear how many piano students she has in response. I don’t know how to reach her so I quit trying for now.  I’m hoping, in time, that she will come looking for me again.

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